Just some thoughts on the marriage survey results. This survey was completely anonymous so I have no idea who answered or said what.
This was unscientific to say the least, meaning there are obvious holes and what-not that make any conclusions anything but solid.
For example, there were 6 options for “how would you describe your marriage relationship” and they were ranked from worst to best. The vast majority of responses were in the top 3 – happy, extremely happy, or living Ephesians 5. With most professional marriage surveys the results generally show that Christians divorce at about an equal rate to non-Christians. So either the folks who answered my survey are not telling the truth, are in denial, or those who have terrible marriages simply didn’t respond. It’s probably a mixture of all three reasons.
Random thoughts:
1. Of the six people who have been married 0-5 years five of them said they are “Extremely Happy” (they must have taken their laptop on the honeymoon and were answering the survey from there). The other one answered “Happy” and has likely been married 5.9 years.
2. More than half have divorce in their family history but still the majority answered that they are currently “Happy” or “Extremely Happy”.
3. 21 people answered “Happy” which is just on the plus side of mediocre in the list of options I gave, just above “We’re friendly roommates”.
4. No one answered that “Divorce is an option.” Interestingly I recently asked a friend of mine (now about 75 years old and married 55+ years) a very straight-forward question.
Me: “You know those Sunday’s at church where the preacher asks for everyone married 50 years or more to stand and be recognized and we all applaud? It seems to me that when I look around I see a lot of unhappy old people who were just too afraid to get a divorce and are just waiting for the end.”
Him: “Yeah, I’d say that’s probably right.”
Another friend (married 25+ years) also responded that observation may be accurate and added, “Let’s say 50% of marriages end in divorce. I’m convinced that 80% of the remaining 50% are unhappy.”
5. There were 11 comments (the comment question was optional). I’ve included them below along with how they answered the question “How would you describe your marriage relationship?” and my comments, if any.
“We should practice patience in our marriages as God practices patience with us. We don’t let the D-word enter our vocabulary.” ~ Married 21-40 years, We live Ephesians 5:21-33
“I am confident we are (slowly!) working our way UP your list!” ~ Married 21-40 years, Happy
Get a move on. – Brian
“I was trying to choose between “happy” and “it’s pretty bad, but we’re still here.” Things around us are pretty bad, but we love each other and realize how blessed we still are, so I went with happy as my final answer.” ~ Married 11-20 years, Happy
Sounds like quite the roller coaster ride. – Brian
“The options for #2 are interesting. “Extremely Happy” seems to me to be a state disconnected from reality… and I’m typically an optimist, not a pessimist or a skeptic. Extremely happy? Really? I’d be curious to speak with those who select this option to learn how they do it. The folks I’ve known over the years who have appeared to be “extremely happy” have gone on to reveal themselves as “on the ropes” and putting on a mask. Marriage is hard work on a day to day basis. The ability to recognize this is one of the things that give me the ability to have a happy, fruitful marriage.” ~ Married 6-10 years, Happy
“I’ve married my best friend. There are lots more good days than bad. I don’t know what I’d do without him!” ~ Married 21-40 years, Extremely Happy
Great answer. – Brian
“We’re going on 12 easy years of marriage. Because of our shared faith, divorce has never been an option. We love each other unconditionally and are flexible with each other. When you share the important things, marriage can be a lot easier than the world makes it out to be. :)” ~ Married 11-20 years, Extremely Happy
“We’ve mentioned divorce many times but probably won’t for children’s sake. Plus both our parents’ have longstanding marriages.” ~ Married 21-40 years, It’s pretty bad but we’re still here
Thanks for your honesty. – Brian
“Marriage is not for wimps!!” ~ Married 11-20 years, Happy
Agreed! Unfortunately there seem to be a lot of wimps getting married. – Brian
“Happily married. Not to say life isn’t stressful, due mostly to outside influence such as work and finances, but I am always happy on who I am spending the rest of my life with!” ~ Married 6-10 years, Extremely Happy
“We have fusses & brief fights but we need each other. We are best friends & must constantly share our feelings with each other for sanity.” ~ Married 21-40 years, We live Ephesians 5:21-33
